I am in relapse. If you're not familiar with relapse, it's a phrase we use in Svaroopa® yoga and it's a sign of rapid change. The key word there is rapid - in Svaroopa® yoga, we focus on incremental openings that are easy to maintain and incorporate into your life. Rapid change is not always easy to maintain or incorporate into your life. Relapse is the act of tightening back up to a place where you can function. It shows up as pain, illness, and/or mental disturbance. I am feeling it on all fronts!
Relapse is making it easy to continue to grieve the end of my India trip. I've been stuck for over a week now, sometimes Here, and sometimes not. Sometimes resting in the moment and the peace that it offers, and sometimes grasping for the past. How do you deal with relapse? You do the thing that gave you the openings in the first place, so you can train your body to stay open. Since returning to India is not a possibility at this moment, I can turn to the other tools that supported the openings I received on that trip. Meditation is a big help, though I am needing much more of it here than I did there. Writing also helps, tremendously. One of my students made the astute observation that almost a week went by without a post once I returned home. That's because I wasn't ready to face my situation, and writing leaves no room for hiding.
But, as I've mentioned before, my situation is not a pleasant one. The grieving of the end of my journey involves grasping for the past. When I'm grasping for the past, I'm in pain. And, I can't feel the immense gratitude I have for the trip. And what an trip it was! I am so fortunate to have had this amazing journey layered with all kinds of experiences. My focus on wanting to be there, rather than Here, has left me no room to unpack those experiences, and marvel at them.
So in addition to more yoga to deal with my relapse, and writing the Truth (because there is no other way), I will focus on what I am grateful for in my journey. That's easy to say - we'll see how easy it is to do when I am in the grips of grieving/grasping/tightening. All I can do is my very best each and every time. One of my favorite quotes of Gurudevi's is this...
Ahhh surrender... surrendering to what is, while it is the way it is. Right Here and Now. My gratitude for my trip begins with the fact that it happened. Thanks for joining me!
Yes, I'm very familiar with the concept of the relapse. It's such a hard one to avoid. I feel your pain, don't give up!
Thank you for all the posts you blessed us with. So much gratitude for all you shared with us. Relapse is real - why would we go on such a trip if it wasn’t to slip into what we’re looking for until again & again turns into always. This quote from Nityananda is posted on the hallway at GDSP. “All your joys are already within you in their fullness.” It always stops me in my tracks. dive deep!
Om Namah Shivaaya ❤️