I'm melting...

You may have read that title and thought that I was going to make a post about the heat. Nope!

I find myself crying a lot. In Nityananda's Samadhi shrine, in Bhimeshwar (the ancient Shiva temple), during sapta (the dance around a sacred diety), and more. There's no upsetting situation (outside or inside) that prompts it. It's not sobbing. It is a steady stream of tears out of my eyes and down my face. It feels like someone turned on a spigot.

I remember what Gurudevi says about tears. They are the runoff from the melting of the iceberg around your heart. (I'm crying as I write these words.) I'll tell you what, I welcome the melting. Bring it on!

This feels more like melting than I've ever experienced. I think because it doesn't even take an upsetting thought to start the flow. I settle myself in these sacred and holy places and the tears just flow. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of my emotion - it is what it is. I'm meeting myself right where I'm at with love and compassion.

I feel like I shook some bedrock loose this morning in that iceberg around my heart. I got to go to Gurudev Siddha Peeth, which is the Siddha yoga Ashram at the top of Temple Rd. This is the Ashram that my Guru's Guru, Swami Muktananda, started. My Guru, Swami Nirmalananda, lived there for several years. The Ashram is not open to the public, save for 6 hours a week. Saturday and Sunday mornings they open to the public for chanting. Sunday mornings, they chant the Guru Gita. As soon as I entered the building this morning, I was shaking with silent sobs. I was overwhelmed with gratitude to be there, to chant the familiar text in this unfamiliar, yet deeply familiar, place. I was humbled at the thought that I was sitting in the same place and chanting the same words as hundreds of thousands of seekers before me, including my Guru.