Milton landing

I'll be honest - I've been floating along since I arrived home. I feel like a helium balloon, just drifting in the air, occasionally bumping into things that change my course. For those of you familiar with Ayurveda, my vata dosha is quite imbalanced right now from all the travel. If you're not familiar with Ayurveda, it's a sister science to yoga. It is the primary means of healthcare in India. You can check out what wikipedia has to say about it. There's probably better resources out there than wikipedia, and I'm not educated enough about Ayurveda to tell you which is better than another. If you're interested in learning more, let me know. I do know some very skilled Ayurvedic practitioners.

What I also know is that I need grounding. I feel floaty and disoriented, which are signs that my vata is out of whack. Yesterday, I got to Swami Sunday, and that helped a lot. Today, I sat down to write the daily dose. Both the act of writing and the routine of the daily dose are grounding. I hadn't gotten very far, when the daily dose I scheduled to come out today over a month ago landed in my inbox. So here we are!

When I last wrote, I spoke of needing to find that anchor point inside. I find it every time I meditate. I'm needing more meditation since I've gotten home than I did before I left or while I was away. I feel so much better when I answer that call. And, I don't answer that call every time. I have spent a lot of time between my last post and now mourning the end of my trip. That means I'm not really Here Now. Not yet. The bummer of it all is that the time I spend mourning the end of my trip doesn't feel good. There's tears and longing. Someone asked me what the tears were the other da y. They are the wanting to be there instead of here. Grasping is quite painful! I know this from other areas of my life where I grasp. Can you relate?

Part of the grasping is that I'm not quite sure who I am on the other side yet. I know I'm Consciousness, just as you are. But that's a head knowing, not a heart Knowing. And the terrain on the inside all seems so unfamiliar right now. I'm not who I was before this journey, but who I am becoming is unclear. What I know is that meditation is what will support me navigating the terrain on the inside until it becomes familiar.

In my infinite wisdom, today's daily dose includes this quote - how could I have known it was just what I would need to hear?!

THE JOURNEY

It might seem to you that you are on a lifetime journey, the road is not straight and you are not getting there, and you’ve almost run out of patience. You need a journey only if there is distance between you and life. Where is the distance? If there is distance at all and if the journey is needed, it is only happening in your head. What is the distance between you and joy? What is the distance between you and God? How long is it going to take you to get there? I want you to ponder on this. We need a road only to get somewhere, but if there is nowhere to go and nothing to do, what is a road for? What if you are the road?

~ Guthema Roba