No bitter, only sweet

I am back home in Milton, DE. I've been here for 16 hours. I started unpacking this morning - literally with my suitcases, and figuratively here with this blog post. I thought I would get it written while I was still in Ganeshpuri, but other priorities took my time. I had a flurry of social invitations during my last days and I enjoyed them all! I thought perhaps I would write this post on the plane, but that didn't happen either, and here we are.

I am happy to be home, back at my table with a cup of coffee by my side. My time since I've been home has been dominated by taking care of my body. And I've got a ways to go - lol! I am feeling aches and pains I haven't felt in a long time. The irony is that the yoga really emphasizes those aches and pains as they unravel. Can you relate? That feels intense, and I work to not tighten up against the intensity. I can rest in the knowledge that the intensity I'm feeling means the yoga is having an effect. Of course it is - Svaroopa® yoga is reliable.

It was so nice to do my morning sadhana in my yoga room, with all the blankets and blocks. It feels so soft compared to the hard surfaces I've had available to me over the last five weeks. I have missed those physical supports. And the space to stretch out and do the poses. I had a narrow piece of floor in my bedroom at Yogini's where I did the majority of my asana practice. One of those that's so narrow, I needed to scoot over to change sides on some poses, like Ardha Mandukasana (1/2 Frog) and Jathara Parivrttanasana (Rotated Stomach Pose). I know some of you can relate to that amount of space from teaching you online.

I can't help but compare my return this trip to my return last trip. I was so sad to leave Ganeshpuri last time. I wasn't ready to come home. 2 1/2 weeks wasn't long enough. That was part of the reason I chose to go for five weeks this time. That was the original amount of time I wanted to go the first time, but I got scared because that's a long time. I cut the time in half, and regretted it. For some reason, five weeks felt like this magic number. You see, I have fantasized about moving to India and living in Ganeshpuri full time. Then I would catch myself and laugh, because I'd only ever been there in the wintertime, and it was too hot for me then. I developed a plan to increase my time and exposure to the elements in India, and the next step was a five week trip. And not during the winter. A five week trip felt auspicious and a little magical.

That's what this trip was, and you know what I learned? It's too hot for me in India in the springtime (well, our springtime). I don't want to live there full time. In fact, five weeks is too long for me to be there in one trip. I think 3 - 3 1/2 weeks is probably perfect. I am so grateful to have that clarity! Five weeks is too long for me to be anywhere away from home. I don't want to leave my people for that long at one time. I don't want to leave my life for that long at one time. I brought some of my life with me this trip, so I could continue to make a living. I taught some online classes, and saw some clients online. You know what I learned? I want my time in India to be a retreat, a time away from my daily life. I don't want to combine the two any more than I have to. I am so grateful to have that clarity, too!

So, as I compare my returns (our minds love to compare and contrast, you know?) what is unique about this return is I am so glad to be home. My body hurts, and I am eager to utilize all the tools at my disposal to address those aches and pains. While the lesson that I am not my body is one that isn't quite established within, I am ready for a more comfortable vehicle for my Self than I've had for the past couple of weeks. I welcomed the familiarity of my morning sadhana (yoga practices), even waking up at my usual time (3:30am) without the alarm.

As I've thought about this post over the last few days, I've been making these lists of things I will miss, and things I will not. I will not miss all the sweating. I will not miss planning my water intake based on my access to bathrooms. Or any of the planning around access to bathrooms, including packing toilet paper for a road trip. I will not miss all the hard surfaces, and most surfaces are hard in India. I will not miss holing up in my bedroom for hours at a time because that is the room that has AC. I will not miss the split sleep schedule, getting 3-4 hours at night and a few more in the afternoon.

I will miss having someone do my laundry and clean my room. I will miss someone cooking for me and making my coffee, though I do love doing those things for myself, as well. I will miss being treated like a VIP. I will miss the regularity of ceremonies - three times a day at Nityananda's temple. I will miss all the heart opening moments. I will miss the people that I encountered as I moved through my daily routine over there. I will miss my friends and Indian family. I will miss the mind stilling moments that were abundant. I will miss the energy of Ganeshpuri... even the air there feels charged. There was a sacredness to every moment, even those that were uncomfortable.

The beauty of a lot of the things I will miss is that they don't feel that far away. I've carried them with me in my heart, and I can feel that so clearly right now. My experience of the sacred in every moment there was excellent training for experiencing the sacred in every moment here. It's all sacred, and our task is recognize it, even in the moments that are uncomfortable. I feel like layers of density have melted away. I'm sure that is the case.

The day before I left Ganeshpuri I was having coffee with a Facebook turned real-life friend. I mentioned how my impending departure was bittersweet. I was settling in on the roller coaster of emotions I thought I would/should be experiencing. She said, "No bitter, only sweet. You carry Baba with you in your heart always." Her words echoed in my mind as I moved through my final hours there. She was right. I didn't get weepy or feel torn about leaving. It was time to go, until the next time I return. No bitter, only sweet. So very, very sweet.

My last day in Ganeshpuri was Gudi Padwa, which is the Maharastran New Year. What an auspicious day to depart! The temple was decorated for the holiday with extra flags, lights and flowers. Read about Gudi Padwa.