About halfway through my trip to India, my left knee started bothering me. I talked about it in my post, The eternality of discomfort. People have asked me what I did to cause the pain, but it’s actually what I didn’t do that started it all. I didn’t take very good care of my body at the beginning of my trip. I let the bliss of Ganeshpuri sustain me, which it did, quite wonderfully! I would do an asana practice sporadically, maybe every other day. It was a change from what I do at home, which is a long daily practice. After a while, it caught up with me. One day, I was feeling little twinges from my knee. The next day, after spending a couple of hours sitting on the floor for a sacred ceremony, it was talking to me loudly. My knee pain worsened throughout the rest of the trip. Sometimes it was quite bad.
I arrived home on April 10th, eager to utilize all of my yoga tools to address the knee pain that had become significant. I would provide updates in the Thursday edition of the daily dose of yoga, the daily email I send on behalf of Rehoboth Beach Yoga Center. You can subscribe to the daily dose here. Below is the compilation of those updates. Note: There is some language that is specific to Svaroopa® yoga and the practices from my teacher, Swami Nirmalananda. We call her Gurudevi for short, and she is the head of Svaroopa Vidya Ashram, which is the home of the Svaroopa® sciences. There are links to more information about Svaroopa® yoga, Svaroopa Vidya Ashram, and online practice opportunities at the bottom of the post.
4/18/24: I feel almost back now - my jet lag has faded, as has my physical discomfort. Both of those endeavors were powered by extra yoga practices! I continue to be grateful for the consistency and reliability of the Svaroopa® sciences. Some extra yoga really does take care of most things. I started to write a little extra yoga, but I’ve been doing more than a little. Extra ujjayi, an extra pose set in the afternoon, extra Embodyments®, and extra chanting - it’s more than a little.
All that extra is making a difference quickly. It was one week ago yesterday that I got home. At that point, I was taking Advil multiple times a day to help with the pain and swelling in my left knee. I moved to a chair for my Shavasana because the stack felt like too much, and support = release. I couldn’t comfortably bend my left knee enough to fit it through the back of the chair, so I used the front. Lying down and doing 20 minutes of ujjayi pranayama was uncomfortable, so I did 10 minutes at a time. I had a hard time sitting still for anything, including meditation.
Now, with a week of extra practices, plenty of props, and three Embodyments®, I am feeling almost as good as new. I don’t need the Advil to get through the day. I can settle in for 30 minutes of ujjayi without feeling the need to move. I can bend my knees enough to fit them through the back of the chair for Shavasana. I can be still for longer periods, and have even dropped in while meditating. It doesn’t take that long when you can really apply yourself to the effort. I know how easy it is for life to get in the way. And I will say that doing life with less pain and discomfort is totally worth the extra effort I’ve had to put forth. I’m not there yet, so I’ll check in again next Thursday, and we’ll see what two weeks of extra yoga does for me. I’m excited to find out!
4/25/24: It was two weeks ago yesterday that I returned. How has it only been two weeks? Sometimes it feels like I never even went. That I had the time before my trip where I was looking forward to it. And I have the time after my trip where I am recovering from it. But what about the in between? Sometimes it all feels like a dream. I think I’d better go re-read my blog. LOL!
I am checking in with you regarding my physical progress because I said I would. You know what I caught myself doing?? Resting on my laurels. I did no extra practices for three days. Well, honestly, Thursday was a busy day. I didn’t have time to do my extra yoga. I can’t say the same about Friday, though. Or Saturday. I don’t know what happened. I just stopped doing the practices that I had written were making such a difference. And they were. Next thing I knew, I was starting to feel worse.
I realized with a bit of chagrin that I had dropped the extra practices, and it had been a few days. It was enough time for my mind to start coming up with resistance to the idea of doing extra. It would take too long. I was too tired. I was so surprised at how easy it was to let that extra go, especially since I had just written about how valuable it was. And how time limited it was. It doesn’t take a ton of extra practice to make a difference. But my mind loves to write the story that if I have to do this much extra today, that’s the way it will be for the rest of my life. Does that sound familiar to you?
Last week I said, “doing life with less pain and discomfort is totally worth the extra effort I’ve had to put forth”. That is a true statement, and that truth can get lost in my mind’s machinations. It feels like I lost the truth of that statement as soon as I hit send last Thursday. Until I remembered it, three days later. Since then, I have faithfully done my second asana practice every day. I haven’t had any more extra Embodyments®, but I am back on my weekly schedule. And I can feel how the Vichara I did yesterday unraveled physical tension as I worked some knots loose in my mind.
It is all making a difference. What really surprises me is how easy it was to forget what a difference that extra makes. My mind tried to convince me that feeling 85% was good enough. That I didn’t have the time to do any extra. And that the extra I would do wouldn’t make that much of a difference anyway. And all that within hours of writing the truth, which happened to be the exact opposite. It wasn’t right after I wrote about how great it was all going - it was the next day. But still… come on, mind! I know, it doesn’t matter how many times you get knocked down (or fall prey to your mind’s machinations), what matters is that you get back up again (or realize that your mind’s machinations are just stories).
Do you have a similar experience? Are there aches and pains in your body that you have just accepted as a part of life? What might your life be like if you didn’t have them? Can you imagine it? Svaroopa® yoga classes and private therapies are particularly effective at reducing your pain and making you more comfortable in your body. Maybe it will take more than a few weeks of extra. Maybe it will be a few months. I invite you to explore your options, and see what some extra will do for you!
5/2/24: I’m only doing a quick check in here today because, well, accountability. I have been diligent and planful about my extra yoga this past week. There were a couple of times I didn’t get it in, and I made sure that my practices bookending those times were solid. Have my extra practices made a difference? Yes, without a doubt.
Now, pain is subjective. It’s hard for me to tell when I’m in pain if the pain is better or worse than the pain I had before. That’s why, in yoga therapy, we use a numbering system for pain. So we are always evaluating it with consistent criteria. I haven’t been consistently numbering my pain, so I am tracking my progress by what I can do. I have moved from the chair back to a blanket stack. I can comfortably hold my left knee with my interlaced fingers on top of my knee again. I have more range of motion. It’s easier to stand in my bones. My knee is less stiff and sore. It hasn’t been swollen. I also notice that my mind is less reactive to the physical discomfort. These are great markers of progress.
I’m almost there, but not quite. I’m going to stick with the extra practices for another week. You know, it’s funny. I was thinking this morning about how much extra I feel like I’m doing. And how much time will open up for me when I let it go. But then I remembered that I’m only doing about 25 minutes of extra yoga. One spinal sequence - that’s it. That’s not a lot. It’s funny how my mind wants to classify it as taking so much more time. I think it’s because the return on my time investment is so great. The results of that extra spinal sequence are clear and tangible. That is very reinforcing!
5/9/24: Here’s my weekly check in - thank you all for being my accountability partners! I am happy to say that my knee is at 95%. I’m so glad that I rested on my laurels early in this process. My commitment to getting to 100% is solid. I’m not slackening now!
I do find that at least once, and sometimes twice a week, I don’t get that second asana practice in. Life gets in the way. Well, that, and the fact that there are other things I prioritize over my second asana practice on those days. The key is to see those days as the exception, not the rule. Two days of no 2nd practice could easily become three and four if I listen to my mind.
My mind wants me to believe, especially on a day when I miss that 2nd practice, that’s it’s too much. (It’s 25 minutes.) My mind wants me to believe that adding a second practice to my day isn’t feasible with my schedule. (At least 5 out of 7 days it is.) I’ve realized that my mind is going to buck this until it doesn’t. At some point, there will be a shift, and that second practice will become habit and routine. Until then, I’ll pretend like it is. Fake it ‘till I make it in the most yogic way - lol!
Now, you might be wondering why I’d be thinking about making this routine. I mean, this is just to get my knee back in shape, right? The thing is, I am feeling great! I am full of bliss bubbling up from inside. Well, we all are. I am aware of that bliss bubbling up a lot more than I used to be. I don’t know if this is a result of my 2nd practice in a day. It could be that, or the five weeks I spent in India, or the Sunday trips to the Ashram, or something else. What I do know is that those 25 minutes I spend doing a deep pass up my spine in the afternoon is more than worth it. That time investment is giving me exponential dividends. And it’s 25 minutes.
Gurudevi has said the older you get, the more yoga you need to do. I’ve heard it a lot lately! That makes sense to me. It’s doing more that’s important, and the consistency. If you had to add more to your home practice, what would you do? Don’t let your mind jam you up - more doesn’t have to be a lot. What would you do? Do it!
5/16/24: I just don’t get my mind sometimes. I’m shaking my head as I write this. I’ve taken this time and this space to update you on my progress healing my sore knee. This is week 5 of progress updates. I’ve employed many of the tools in my yoga toolbox in this process. They are powerful and effective. I’ve committed to doing extra yoga that is also powerful and effective. On Tuesday, I participated in an online Pain Q & A with Gurudevi.
If you’ve never taken the opportunity to join Gurudevi for an online Q & A, I highly recommend it! She offers Q & A’s for the general public and Q & A’s especially for yogis that have made a deeper commitment with one of the vowed levels. Sometimes they are specific, like this pain Q & A and sometimes they are general. The way the Q & A’s work is Gurudevi will call on you in the order that you signed up. If you have a question, you get to ask it. If you don’t, you say so and she moves on to the next person. I always learn so much, whether I get to ask a question or not. Check out the Ashram’s calendar for an upcoming Q&A.
I thought about what I might ask Gurudevi if I got called on. Here’s where my mind gives me pause… it started writing a story. You see, my pain’s not as bad as it was, by a long shot. I’m holding steady at 95% and continuing to do what’s needed to get to 100%. I also have this innate sense about what’s happening in my body. This pain is connected to deep tailbone unraveling. Sometimes I can feel it. I trust that knowing. My mind suggested it would be selfish of me to take time away from someone in worse pain if I did get called on. I suspect it was more about the fear that kicks in when I start feeling impatient to get to 100%. That fear sounds something like this. What if this is as good as it gets? What if you’re wrong about this? What if the extra you’re doing is not enough? What if you’re not enough? Oh mind! It certainly felt more noble (and less scary) to focus on sacrificing my turn so someone else who needed it more could have one.
I bet you can guess what happened next. I got called on. I said I didn’t have a question. I was just there to listen. As Gurudevi went on to the next person, my mind started to kick up a fuss. What have you done? What if you’re wrong about your pain? Why didn’t you speak up? You missed a golden opportunity. What were you thinking? Why did you decline that clarity? Why did you block that Grace?
My mind continued that litany for the rest of the day and into the next morning. By that time, I found it rather amusing. I mean, come on mind! First you convince me not to ask a question, and then you berate me for not asking the question. The turnaround was so quick I almost got whiplash. LOL! Has this ever happened to you? It’s ridiculous, isn’t it?
Writing about things helps me get them sorted, so I wrote about this yesterday in a post for the vowed order Facebook group. It was while I was writing that the question about blocking the Grace came out. It just fell onto the page. I didn’t see it coming. And it stopped me in my tracks. I got this picture in my head of Gurudevi showing up at my front door. She had a present, just for me. I said no thanks, and closed the door in her face. Why would I do that?
I still don’t know. But the whole situation is full of lessons and Grace. I realized, as I considered why I blocked that Grace, that it doesn’t take a Q & A to receive gifts and answers from Gurudevi. She offers these with every practice and teaching she gives us. I have received so much, and yet, sometimes I block that Grace. I say no thanks, and close the door. I still don’t get it. Does this ever happen to you? That Grace doesn’t just come from Gurudevi - it’s all around us. Do you end up blocking Grace in your life? I wish I could tell you that I’ve discovered the key to not blocking Grace, but I haven’t. I think the better we get at recognizing Grace when it shows up in our lives, the better we’ll get at receiving it. It’s certainly a fruitful practice!
5/23/24: This is my last official update on my knee. Thank you for your support - accountability is powerful stuff! It was two months ago yesterday that I felt the beginnings of this bout of knee pain. I am happy to say that my knee is at 102%. I’m not feeling any more pain in my left knee. I do feel new muscles that I wasn’t using before when I walked or bent my knee. I’m also standing differently. I’m reassured by that - it means I’m using my body in a more beneficial way.
One thing that shifted for me during this experience was my awareness of how I am using my body. Am I standing in my bones? Am I using muscles I don’t need to be using? Am I using my arms, legs, and abs instead of spinal muscles? Experiencing that pain made me very aware of my body, and how I was using it. Sometimes the pain prevented me from doing something I wanted to do. Or it meant I had to modify how I did it. The awareness of how I was using my body increased because there was no avoiding the awareness of how I couldn’t use my body.
There were times in the last two months when I couldn’t stand in Tadasana without pain. I couldn’t stand in the bones of my left leg - it was hard to put weight in it at all. It was hard to walk, and go up and down steps and hills. Ever grateful for my teacher training, I would remind myself to stand in my bones. I would coach myself on yoga walking (lunge, locust, push - if you know, you know!). I was more active in insuring that I was using my arms, legs, and abs. I added in extra yoga practices and was diligent about getting them done every day, most of the time.
You know what the biggest motivator was, to use my body more beneficially and do more yoga? The pain. When I am not experiencing pain, it is easy to become unaware of the little ways in which I tighten up. When I am not experiencing pain, and I am not standing in my bones, I may or may not notice it. When I am not experiencing pain, and I need to exert myself, I don’t always pay attention to what muscles I am using. When I am not experiencing pain, that extra yoga becomes more of an option than a necessity. I’ve realized that I’m quite good at overlooking my body when it’s not talking to me. How about you?
I didn’t think I’d ever tell you that I was grateful for pain, but I am - at least this pain. I’ve got a whole new awareness of my body and how I inhabit it. You may be wondering about that extra 2% - I said I was at 102%. My knee is better now than it was when this recent flare up began. It is more aligned, and I am standing in my bones. I am also moving in my bones, and using more leg muscles. The extra yoga I am doing isn’t addressing an immediate physical need anymore, so it’s taking me deeper. I am rooting in to Self, and staying there longer. I am not as easily rocked by life’s storms. I am bouncing back faster when I do get rocked.
5/30/24: I know that I told you that last week was the last week I would be talking about my knee. I lied. I realized that I never shared my understanding of what was happening with that knee pain, and I’d like to. I may have mentioned that this wasn’t the first time I had experienced this pain in my knee. It wasn’t more than a few months ago I was dealing with this same sore muscle. I could even draw the muscle on my leg, the pain was that clear. At that time, Embodyment® with all hand position #1 and practicing specific poses addressed it in a few weeks.
This time, as you know, it took longer. I was also aware that there was more going on. I remember telling someone it was Nityananda powered, since it started in Ganeshpuri. Sometimes the pain I would feel would radiate from my sitbone down to my foot. Sometimes it would start behind my knee and travel down to my foot. From the back of my heel, it would spread across my foot. Or I’d feel pain from my sitbone through my pelvis, or out to my hip. I could draw a map of how it moved, thanks to my knowledge of anatomy from teacher training. It was clear to me that this was tailbone tension unraveling - a new, deep, and sticky layer of tension. The old and random memories and emotions that were coming up were more signs of this release.
I rested in the knowing that I was unraveling tailbone tension (most of the time), and that was key. There were times when my mind tried to get me to worry about the process, or my faith in it. It would have been easy to give in to those worries, and that would have made it worse. I’m pretty sure we’ve all experienced how effectively our minds can tighten up our bodies! I am grateful that I remained steady in my knowing. My knee was realigning as I unraveled deep layers of tailbone tension. I feel the difference now in how I stand and walk. Svaroopa® yoga is so powerful! I was going to quantify how I feel with another 100+% measurement, but I’m not going to do that. I don’t think that I can actually comprehend how great I could possibly feel. I don’t want to start limiting it now. It just keeps getting better!
To find in person (Delaware Beaches) and ONLINE yoga and meditation opportunities, visit Rehoboth Beach Yoga
For more information on Svaroopa® Yoga, visit svaroopa.org/yoga/
Find a Svaroopa® yoga teacher near you, svaroopa.org/teacher-directory/
Learn more about Gurudevi and Svaroopa Vidya Ashram
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